Do I really have to do that again?

I got an e-mail from Newmarket Films (I can't resist getting on those mailing lists) notifying me that The Passion of the Christ is being re-released in theaters this coming weekend. And we're not just getting rehashed Passion, we're getting a recut version! Apparently, this is being released as The Passion Recut. I'm not sure if Mel Gibson wanted me to laugh, but c'mon - didn't Jesus get cut quite enough in the first version? (Actually, my real reaction started with "Jesus, he didn't get...")

Also, there was a reassuring quote from Mel in the e-mail. "By softening some of its more wrenching aspects," he said, "I hope to make my film and its message of love available to a wider audience."

"Softening some of its more wrenching aspects"? So, what, that'll be a 15-minute film this time around? Maybe a seriously extended version of the scene where we see a hunky, overall-wearing Jesus as a carpenter? (Flex for the camera, Jim.) I'd love a scene with Jesus and that androgynous Satan going to a diner for coffee and having a face-to-face confrontation, like Pacino and DeNiro in Heat. ("If it's between you and some poor bastard whose wife you're gonna turn into a widow, brother, you are going down.")

And "message of love"? Jesus, it's too early in the morning to get into that...