Drunk talk

▪ "Dude, you gotta have a baby. We saved $3,000 on our taxes this year."

▪ "You know a name you never hear? Judas. No one names their kid Judas."

▪ "I think we're gonna check out The Corn Palace this summer."

▪ "Hey, you got here just in time. We're talking about David Foster Wallace."

▪ "You know who I'd #$@%? Martha Stewart."

▪ "I haven't gotten drunk since election night."

▪ "That Blind Justice show - it's #$@%ing horrible! Blind me while the show is on - that'd be justice."

▪ "What is a 'tar baby'?"

▪ "This guy took my class last summer! Hey, I'm teaching again this summer - tell all your friends and get 'em to spend $3,000!"

▪ "So she tells me, 'I think we should #$@% other people.'"

▪ "She has the fattest cat I've ever seen. It's 29 pounds. When it lays down, it's like a frying pan with legs and a tail."