Hi, my name is Ian and I'm a(n) ____________

Okay, it might be time to admit I have a problem. For the second time in less than two months, I have entered (and used) a public women's restroom. I'm not sure I have anything to say in my defense, other than I really, really had to pee. I got out of class and took the nearest stairway to the first floor where the restrooms were. However, this is a route that I usually don't take, so I'm going to say I was turned around when I got downstairs. I'm used to the men's room being closest to the south entrance of Macbride Hall, and figured that's where I was. I will also claim that the "wo" of "women" was blocked from my view by a museum exhibit when I quickly looked up to check the sign. But it was a quick check. As I said, I had to go.

I walked in and didn't see urinals, which should've sent red flags and sirens going off in my head. But I was moving in a blur, on a beeline for an empty stall.

My suspicions were confirmed after I finished. I opened the door to the stall and saw... a pink bag sitting on the sink. You're not going to see a pink bag in a men's room, so I knew I'd made a mistake. I poked my head out and two women turned from the sink to look at me with disgust. I just said "Good afternoon" and got the hell out of there. (I washed my hands in the men's room down the hall.)

What the hell is wrong with me?