Thursday, May 05, 2005

Dear 1-800-FLOWERS.COM -

I get it. Mother's Day is this coming Sunday. You can stop sending four e-mails a day to remind me. I've already taken care of it. The gift and card are in the mail, okay? For the love of God. I am a great #$&%ing son. Just ask my mom.

"Ian is a great #$&%ing son." -- Ian's Mom.

Thanks, Mom. You're the best. Wait'll you see the #$&%ing gift I got for you! You're gonna $#!+ your #$&%ing pants.

Hey, 1-800-FLOWERS.COM - how about sending your own mother some flowers? Your mom's right here next to me; she says you never call or write. She makes great oatmeal, you know. Uses the condensed milk. That deserves at least a card.