Where there's smoke...

When I read that Tom Cruise's new girlfriend, Katie Holmes, was converting to Scientology for her new religion, I thought of the movie Holy Smoke.

Ring a bell? If not, Kate Winslet, the woman I wish was my new girlfriend, plays someone who becomes influenced by a religious guru while traveling in India. Her parents are convinced she's been brainwashed by a cult, however, and hire Harvey Keitel to steal her out of India and de-program her.

(I originally rented Holy Smoke mostly because I read that Winslet gets naked in it. But it's actually not a bad movie.)

Mr. and Mrs. Holmes? I'm not an expert in cult de-programming, but I'm a quick study. If you're interested, e-mail me and I can work on trying to rescue your Katie. I can take Cruise. I'm taller than him.