I thought I should type something tonight

Also, I'm frustrated that the Tigers game isn't on television tonight. This is total #@$%ing ridiculous bull$#!+. Hey guys, it's only a game against the Chicago White Sox, who happen to have the best #@$%ing record in Major League Baseball.

So to cure my baseball fix for the evening, I went to mlb.com and cast my votes for the American and National League All-Star teams. Here's who I voted for, which is something a grand total of zero people were wondering about. Most of the picks, I'll admit, are based on the best stats, with a couple of exceptions.

This should help your insomnia. I hope you sleep nicely.

American League

First base: Mark Teixeira, TEXAS
- .291 avg., 20 HR, 58 RBI, .361 OBP
Second base: Brian Roberts, BALTIMORE
- .363 avg., 12 HR, 43 RBI, .435 OBP
Shortstop: Miguel Tejada, BALTIMORE
- .317 avg., 19 HR, 59 RBI, .364 OBP
(I'd love to vote for Detroit's Carlos Guillen, but he just hasn't played enough, due to injuries.)
Third base: Alex Rodriguez, NY YANKEES
- .332 avg., 20 HR, 65 RBI, .429 OBP
(Though I'd love to vote for Detroit's Brandon Inge, who's "my boy.")
Catcher: Ivan Rodriguez, DETROIT
- .295 avg., 5 HR, 29 RBI, .307 OBP
(An admitted hometown pick. I should probably vote for Boston's Jason Varitek.)
Designated Hitter: David Ortiz, BOSTON
- .303 avg., 19 HR, 65 RBI, .384 OBP
Outfielder: Manny Ramirez, BOSTON
- .271 avg., 19 HR, 66 RBI, .355 OBP
Outfielder: Johnny Damon, BOSTON
- .337 avg., 3 HR, 41 RBI, .383 OBP
Outfielder: Vladimir Guerrero, LA ANGELS
- .345 avg., 12 HR, 41 RBI, .401 OBP

National League

First base: Derrek Lee, CHICAGO
- .388 avg., 22 HR, 64 RBI, .466 OBP
Second base: Jeff Kent, LA DODGERS
- .297 avg., 15 HR, 58 RBI, .372 OBP
Shortstop: Jimmy Rollins, PHILADELPHIA
- .281 avg., 6 HR, 22 RBI, .320 OBP
Third base: Aramis Ramirez, CHICAGO
- .302 avg., 17 HR, 49 RBI, .362 OBP
Catcher: Mike Piazza, NY METS
- .264 avg., 8 HR, 31 RBI, .323 OBP
(Hey, why don't we get to vote for a National League designated hitter? The game's in an American League ballpark.)
Outfielder: Cliff Floyd, NY METS
- .281, 20 HR, 51 RBI, .349 OBP
(Maybe I'm not paying attention to what other people are saying, but I think he's having the best "big year" no one is talking about.)
Outfielder: Jose Guillen, WASHINGTON
- .333 avg., 15 HR, 54 RBI, .385 OBP
(I had to vote for someone from the Nationals, my adopted favorite National League team.)
Outfielder: Bobby Abreu, PHILADELPHIA
- .325 avg., 17 HR, 52 RBI, .442 OBP

Since I had no baseball, I had to choose between two things I don't care about: President Bush's speech or the NBA Draft. Which do you think I chose? Here's a hint: who the #@$% is Jason Maxiell, Pistons fans? Maybe I should've stuck with the news after seeing Jennifer Eccleston on Larry King Live. Sweet sassy molassey!