Thursday, June 16, 2005

Pistons-Spurs Game 4 : The live blog

Oh, the people who don't enjoy my sports blogs (and they've been pretty frequent lately, haven't they?) might grind their teeth at this one. Hey, it won't be all sports tonight - I promise. But while watching Game 3, I found myself wishing I was blogging. The nerve endings were tingling. Also, I've been reading Bill Simmons' NBA Finals diaries on, which just increased the yearning. I am no Simmons. But I'll try my best to be funny.

8:41 - As big a fan as I am of comic books and movies based on comic books (my review of Batman Begins is coming tomorrow), that Fantastic Four movie looks terrible to me. And the NBA tie-in commercial with Magic Johnson isn't changing my opinion. (Jessica Alba? Yeesh.)

8:43 - Hey, a commercial for Batman Begins! Did I mention I'm blogging about that tomorrow? Here's an early preview: I may have liked it. I may have really, really liked it.

8:47 - It just occurred to me: This live blog is jeopardizing my Pistons superstition. Okay, if the Pistons lose this game, you know where to point the fingers. Maybe I'll listen to the first quarter on the radio. That'd make some exciting blogging.

8:52- Big Ben's afro looks extra fluffy tonight. The wonders of conditioner?

9:02 - Mis Hooz has ruined basketball commentary and analysis for me forever. During Game 6 of the Pistons-Heat series, she said it all sounded like this to her: "Blah blah blah... blah blah... blahblahblah..."

9:04 - And she described the first few minutes of Pistons-Spurs Game 1 over the phone to me thusly: "Okay, they're running one way... bouncing, bouncing... now they're running the other way, one guy missed a shot... okay, bouncing... thinking... more bouncing." ABC needs to hire her. Put her on the "SAP" option.

9:07 - ABC is using Rob Thomas' "This Is How A Heart Breaks" as its NBA Finals theme song. This is how a TV screen breaks...!

9:10 - I know Europe's "The Final Countdown" is an example of synth-metal crap that should make my skin crawl. But as a Pistons fan, when it's used for player introductions, it is the coolest #@$%ing song ever.

9:20 - Jabroni just hit his first three-pointer for San Antonio. Uh-oh.

9:25 - Bathroom break. Did I miss anything?

9:30- Al Michaels said Tim Duncan has been "the little girl with the curls" from the free-throw line this series. Wha... ?

9:32 - Ben Wallace just hit a 20-foot jump shot. The Spurs are in trouble. (And does Detroit really have six steals already?)

9:35 - Geena Davis is Commander In Chief. Ian Casselberry is Not Watching.

9:40 - Thank God for sideline reporters. Now I know that Larry Brown is superstitious and does everything the same way. Then he watched that Seinfeld where Costanza did the opposite of what he would normally do and became wildly successful. So Brown decided to do the same thing. Wow - that is insightful $#!+.

9:41 - If that's how Larry Brown is approaching this series, Joe Dumars should give him a ride to Cleveland. And drop him in Lake Erie.

9:45 - How the #@$% do you pronounce "Udrih"?

9:49 - San Antonio scored only 17 points in the first quarter. "Deeee-troooit bas-ket-ball," anyone?

9:50 - ABC's first shot of Eminem in the crowd. Nice curls, Marshall.

9:51 - Can you smell the "please, someone - anyone - see our movie" desperation in the new ads for Cinderella Man with Ron Howard explaining what the movie is about?

9:58 - Al Michaels just listed all the major sporting events taking place in Detroit from last June (2004 NBA Finals) to next February (Super Bowl). That sound you just heard was the national sports media whimpering.

10:04 - Okay, here's something that needs to stop and stop now: listening in on international broadcasts. On Tuesday, we got the French. Tonight, it was Italy. Enough. Especially when the Italians mimic Al Michaels' famous 1980 "Do you believe in miracles?" call.

10:15 - Isn't ABC about two years too late on this "Kaballah craze" story it's running tomorrow night on 20/20?

10:25 - San Antonio scored 38 points in the first half. In Game 2, they scored 30 points in the first quarter of the game. See where I'm going with this? ("Blah blah blah... blahblah.")

10:35 - Here's why I don't like prime-time sporting events. It is halftime. I should be eating something. I should be fixing myself a turkey sandwich stacked six inches high. I should be popping open another beer. But I've already had dinner. I'm not hungry.

10:36 - Yes, that was the most interesting thing I had to say about halftime.

10:45 - Again, with the Fantastic Four. Still not interested. Sorry, Jessica.

10:49 - Now, Jessica Simpson could get me to see that Dukes of Hazzard movie. Maybe. But it'd have to be a matinee.

10:55 - I love hearing how pissed off Spurs coach Gregg Popovich is with his team. Love it.

11:00 - You know what? This game kinda sucks. I'm not complaining. Detroit's up by 15 points. They're dominating. But I got nothing here.

11:05 - We just got a flashback to Morganna the Kissing Bandit kissing Larry Brown when he coached San Antonio. Whatever happened to Morganna? Those things have to be sagging now.

11:15 - Next game, I'm doing a shot every time ABC plays that Rob Thomas song. This is how a liver breaks... !

11:19 - Detroit leads by 20 points. I should've done this live blog thing on Sunday instead.

11:20 - Oh no. Oh no. No! When did we stop getting HBO in this house? I hate you, Comcast!

11:21 - Okay, my parents were getting HBO for two years without paying for it. So I can't complain. Thank you, Comcast, for taking so long to notice.

11:22 - It's a good thing Deadwood or The Sopranos isn't on, though. Y'all'd be some dead mother#@$%ers.

11:23 - Am I missing anything good on Six Feet Under this season?

11:27 - Is it a FCC violation if I threaten a cable company?

11:35 - Tim Duncan looks like he's pouting as Gregg Popovich is lecturing him on the bench. Pouting like a puppy dog. What a great shot. Aw, da widdle bebe...

11:40 - Detroit is going to score 100 points in this game. Maybe 100 points plus. Last week, they looked like they might have trouble scoring 100 points in the entire series. Who can figure this $#!+ out?

11:45 - Darko Milicic is playing. That should be all Popovich has to tell the Spurs when he yells at them after the game. "They put Dinko in! That's how bad we sucked! Dinko!"

11:48 - Darko scores! Darko scores! ("Dinko!") Even Stevie Wonder is amazed.

11:50 - Final score: Detroit 102, San Antonio 71. Holy $#!+. Hey, it was a boring game. Otherwise, the blog would've been funnier. I think.

11:52 - Again, how can a team look so bad last week, and then look awesome the next? That's why we play a seven-game series, kids.