Tuesday, August 30, 2005

I #@$%ing hate sports

Last night's Detroit Lions game technically didn't count. It was a preseason exhibition; the players and coaches compared it to a "dress rehearsal." But it was on Monday Night Football, broadcasted to a national television audience. Ford Field was packed full of fans, eagerly anticipating the upcoming football season and hoping that this is the year their beloved gridiron heroes become one of the best teams in the NFL.

Rams 37, Lions 13.

Exactly, Joey. Exactly. What the #$@%?

More crying and ranting about this #@$%ing terrible football team that clearly hates all of its fans…

(Image by Mandy Wright/
Detroit Free Press)

Maybe I'm a sucker for taking a meaningless game so seriously. Maybe we're all suckers. Most, if not all, Lions fans were excited about their team playing on Monday night and having a chance to show football fans around the country how good they're going to be.

We all could have done something else last night. I could've watched Prison Break on FOX, or that movie I rented. I could've read a book. I could've caught up on the e-mail I've been putting off. Maybe I could've called up a friend, gone out to dinner, and caught up on current events. Hell, I could've done some sudoku puzzles with my mother.

But no, I chose to stay home, park my @$$ in front of the TV and watch my Detroit Lions play a meaningless exhibition game. Why? Because I love that team. That's how excited I was to see them in the national television spotlight. I wanted to see them, in their stupid new black uniforms, show off their new players, give their fans something to cheer about, and for the love of #@$%ing Joe Schmidt, act like they actually know how to play professional football.

Instead, the Lions took a $#!+ all over their fans last night. And rubbed their faces in that $#!+ like they were #@$%ing dogs.

Two words for the Lions' offense: Block someone.

Two words for the Lions' defense: Tackle someone.

Seven words for the Lions' coaching staff: Come up with some plays that work.

And burn those ugly #@$%ing black jerseys!

I should've turned the channel and watched the Tigers play the Indians.

Indians 10, Tigers 8.

What the #@$%? They had a five-run lead in the first inning! Are you #@$%ing serious? I'm going to smash my mother#@$%ing &#$%sucking son of a #@$%ing TV.

And I'm taking up knitting. It has to be less frustrating and disappointing. You're all getting hats and scarves for Christmas.