All the puns seemed dirty

Here's a spit-your-drink-all-over-your-computer headline from The Onion:

U.S. Blowjobless Rate At All-Time High

And I thought I was the only one having problems since graduation...

(Editor's Note: Raging Red beat me to this topic, thus forcing me to post this before I wanted to. Lemme tell ya, she ain't the only one who's raging. I hate her. My fist is shaking at you, Radish Head.)