Trick or tradition?

Okay, I meant to post this yesterday, as it would've been much more timely. Posting it the day after Halloween doesn't quite give it the same juice.

I would love to cast blame upon circumstances such as my brain being fried from working on my new podcast with Kevin Antcliff - which (ahem) you can find here - or finding myself having to gather up a fall season's worth of leaves in one afternoon, before the city comes to sweep them off the street.

But I can't whine as much about raking leaves as I have in the past because this year, I'm rocking out the leaf blower. Yep. Finally, I can blow leaves onto my neighbor's lawn as he's "accidentally" done to me over the past few years. Oh, and I will also blow out my #@$%ing ears because the thing is so damn loud. Somebody's shopping for protective headphones tomorrow. Oooh, I should blog about that!

Am I digressing? Pardon me. What I wanted to say was that I was a total grouch on Halloween. No candy for the kids! I see 'em walking through the neighborhood. I know they're out there. I know they want their candy. I wanted it at their age, too. (And man, did I get it.) Also, my father loved passing candy out to trick-or-treaters. Every year, he dug the same jack o' lantern lamp out of the basement - the one he bought when I was a toddler - and stuck it in the front window, so the orange glow would pull the kids up our driveway. It was like a Bat-signal for the sweet-toothed.

I would've liked to continue Dad's tradition of bringing joy to the youth. Because children, as you know, are the future. But I kind of have my own tradition now. It's one of cowardice - or more specifically, hiding in my bedroom to watch TV with every single light in the house turned off.

I even tried to get my car really dirty, so moonlight wouldn't reflect off of it, giving the children a glimpse of light, and making them think that my door was willing to be knocked on. Oh, my dad would surely be proud.

But I've been scarred. Or jaded. Take your pick. A few little $#!+s in Iowa City ruined Halloween for me - and thus for every candy-seeking child within walking distance of my house - two years ago. Here's my original post on the subject, titled "You have to wear a costume!" which I also linked to last year. And guess what, I'm linking to it again this year. Yeah, that's right. Is that lazy? No, it's a tradition!

That's your trick, kids. That's what you get for being greedy. And even worse, for not even taking the time to dress up. If I have to get up off my ass every two minutes to answer the door, the least you could do is entertain me. (And no, your hot single mom waiting in the driveway doesn't count.) Bah!