Thursday, February 09, 2006

A love untold - until now

I should've known better. But it was irresistible. I'm sure you've all had similar sensations; you're just consumed with happiness, think this is how life should be, and invest yourself completely. Even if you know it's not right. Even if you know it's not going to end well. Even if you know you could be miserable after it's all over. But it was worth it, because for those few fleeting moments, joy suddenly became a concept that actually made sense to you.

I can only blame myself for diving head-first into a relationship that I knew wouldn't last. I knew it would be a roller coaster ride, but I wanted the rush of plummeting to earth with my hands in the air too much. Because I hadn't felt that way in so long.

But now, it's over. And after taking a dip in "Lake Me," along with an NYPD pizza and some episodes of Scrubs, I'm ready to write about it.

Comcast's free preview of the NFL Network ended on Tuesday. I don't know if they offered the preview to all of its basic cable subscribers last week because of the Super Bowl build-up, or if it was on a local basis since "The Big Game" was in Detroit. All I know is that for one week, I could watch it. And I fell in love.

Interviews with almost every player and coach involved in the Super Bowl. Slow motion breakdowns of each team's playbook. Retrospectives of old NFL games. I went to sleep with the TV on that first night. That's right - we spent our first night together. I can say it now, without crying. It kept me warm and spoke gently in my ear as I drifted off to the most wonderful dreamland I've ever inhabited.

I told my mother the next day and introduced her to NFL Network. And you know what? Mama Cass loved it. She couldn't stop talking about it. She wondered where it'd been all our lives. Not only was she happy for me, but she was happy too.

I tried to protect her from the inevitable truth. But when NFL Network finally left, she knew before I did. And when she found out, like any good mother, she told me first. Because she wanted to be there for me, she wanted me to hear it from someone who loved me. "Hey," she said to me, "channel 15's showing local real estate again." She didn't say anything after that. She didn't have to. But I'm glad she was there for me.

Dr. House and his team of specialists (especially Dr. Cameron) helped get me through the night. And Dr. Dorian and his friends nursed me to sleep after I was tickled by a love monkey. Yesterday, I woke up rested and relieved. I knew everything was going to be okay. I still feel some pain. I'm still bearing a few scars. But I learned from this. And I'll be stronger for it. Sure, the experience was emotionally rough. But it was worth it. What's that old saying? 'Tis better to have lost love than loved being lost? Something like that, right?

▪▪ Another thought about Scrubs: Isn't Zach Braff's relationship with Mandy Moore totally jinxed, now that she made a guest appearance on the show? I always wince when I see things like that. I'm sure it seems nice at the time, but what happens when you break up, and there's an example of your time together, recorded for posterity? Yeesh. I'd hate that. Of course, if I was dating Mandy Moore, I'd bring her to work too.