Scarlett who? Nope, didn't see it.

I've been told by the Fried Rice Thoughts Board of Directors that I'm approximately four Scarlett Johansson blog entries away from being issued a restraining order. So I'm hesitant to address this particular topic. But I received several overnight e-mails concerning Ms. Scarlett and her Golden Globes attire for last night's Golden Globes award show, so it seems only polite to respond here.

Hell yes, I saw that! I almost incurred serious injury while walking by the TV when she appeared on the red carpet. Sweet sassy molassey. There are moments in this life when men are truly happy to be men. Scarlett Johansson created one of them last night. My knees are buckling, just thinking about it.

I should also announce at this time that I would like to give up my dreams of finding gainful employment as a writer, in favor of aspiring to become a gay red carpet correspondent, a la Isaac Mizrahi on E! last night. After asking Ms. Scarlett what sort of underwear she was wearing (to which she responded, "Very little. It's built into the dress."), Mizrahi confirmed this curiosity in dress design with his own hands. Literally. The man felt up Scarlett Johansson right there on the red carpet. Men have gotten thrown in jail for lesser groping instances.

Right then and there, I had a new hero.

I flipped between the Golden Globe Awards and 24 last night, so missed several other water cooler moments, such as drunk Harrison Ford. I'll try to catch the rerun this weekend on Bravo. But glancing at the list of winners makes me happy, as Walk the Line, Brokeback Mountain, and Capote each received well-deserved awards. And the Fried Rice Thoughts offices are very pleased with Hugh Laurie winning for his work on House.

▪▪ Here's Gothamist's live blog of the show.

▪▪ And Defamer has some great screen captures to check out. (And not all of them involve cleavage.)