"Pour Some Sugar on Me" is just a song

Okay, I've tried to keep this to myself. Once in a while, it slips out and the poor sap(s) unlucky enough to be with me have to listen to my rant. But I have a pet peeve. And I've encountered it not once, not twice, but four times this week. So I can no longer keep it to myself. I'm also hoping that by writing about it here, I'll provide something of a public service that can help us all.

How #@$%ing hard is it to get the sugar in your coffee cup?

Why do some people feel the need to coat the condiment counters at coffee shops with sugar and sweetener? I'm trying to understand, so I can help.

Is the mouth of the cup not wide enough for you? Do you shake all the sugar to the end of the packet you want to open before you tear it? Are your hands shaking in anticipation of the caffeine fix?

Do you love sugar so much that you feel the need to share it with others, so you leave it on the counter for us to get all over our hands? Do you like the pretty little rings that form when we have to set our cups in that mess? (Is it more enjoyable for you if a little coffee drips down the side of the cup and forms sugar paste?)

Is it too difficult to talk to someone (either in person or on your cell phone) while you're trying to sweeten your coffee? Is that too much multi-tasking for you? Is it too simple to just pour the sugar directly into the coffee? Are you playing "sugar basketball"? Do you think it's cool to fling the sugar in the air, like rice at a wedding, and let it sprinkle down into your drink? If it's a sunny day, do you see rainbows when you do that?

How about sweeping your #$@%ing mess into the wastebasket? Most coffee shops make it pretty damn easy for you by having a hole in the counter that leads directly to the trash. What, you don't want to get your hands sticky with sugar? Guess what, #$@%nut, neither do I.

I can handle this at gas stations. I figure it's my punishment for buying coffee at a gas station. Those counters don't give you a lot of space to work with. And cleanliness isn't always a priority in such places. But cafes are different. The environment's usually nicer. Maybe it's a little rushed in the morning, and you have three people waiting for you to decide whether to stay with Equal or if today's finally the day you try Splenda. But you usually have plenty of space to work with. And the aforementioned hole in the counter is on hand.

Maybe I'm getting too worked up about this. Perhaps a little more decaf in my life would help me relax a bit more. I'll work on that. But only if you work on getting that sugar in your cup. Sound fair, Shakes?

(Image from Chinito.org)