Transformers: A Four-Sentence Movie Review

I can't say Michael Bay gets a bad rap because he's made some rather awful movies (Pearl Harbor, Bad Boys II), but at least you know you'll get a great-looking - though possibly incoherent - action movie that will assault your eyes and ears, and I kind of like that. Transformers might be the best film he'll ever make, because it allows him to shoehorn virtually anything and everything that guys want from their action movies into two-and-a-half hours: jets, helicopters, machine guns, missiles, explosions, Bernie Mac, fast cars, big trucks, laughs, high-speed collisions, burly brawls, violent (though non-human) death, jokes, hot babes, and giant #@$%ing robots!!! Don't snicker at that last thing either, because if you were a nerdy kid in the 80's (I'm raising my hand), giant robots were about as cool as it got until girls at school began to grow boobies. I'm sure if I were to see this movie again, all of the plot holes, story flaws, completely unnecessary subplots, contrived comedy sequences, and occasional inability to discern giant #$@%ing robot from giant #@$%ing robot might make me cringe, but when it had me for the first time, both my inner 12-year-old and current 34-year-old (ugh) were totally blown away.