Thursday, May 03, 2007

If 12-Year Old Paperboys Can Do It, So Can You

If you live in Ann Arbor, you might know exactly what I'm going to complain about. (Well, maybe not, if you're in an apartment, rather than a house or condo. I don't know.) And I'm sure plenty of other people who live elsewhere will be able to relate to something like this. I'm sure it depends on the neighborhood or county you live in, or whatever. But every week, we get this "Food, Fun, & Fitness" collection of recipes, articles, and ads. I believe it's produced by the fine people at the Ann Arbor News.

Depending on my mood, I'll open the long, plastic bag and pull out the stuff inside, thinking I'll find something marginally worthwhile. Or maybe I just needed something to occupy my brain for two minutes. But most of the time, I take the bag and toss it in the recycling bin without looking. It's just #@$%ing junk. And I didn't ask for it.

But I could accept this. At least to a point. Over the last couple of weeks, however, whomever is "delivering" these plastic bags of paper waste has been throwing them onto my lawn (which, after last weekend, is finally short enough that I could see these bags), which is totally unacceptable. This offends me on two levels. Not just as a homeowner, but also as a former paperboy.

You throw the newspaper onto the driveway or the porch. 13-year-old kids know this. If it's not on the driveway or the porch, it's not a newspaper (or whatever the hell this collection of junk is), it's #@$%ing litter.

Is it really much different than my neighbor finishing his pizza, and then throwing the box onto my lawn? Okay, one's a grease-stained container for food, and the other is an assembly of print materials in a bag, but I'd have to pick either one off of the grass after it was tossed over there.

Do not #@$% with me, delivery boy or girl of this stuff. I've been doing a lot of yard work out in the sun, my head is baked, and I am most likely holding some sort of landscaping tool that could be used as a weapon. You have been warned. And I am watching.