Sunday, September 18, 2005

Sunday night sucker

Earlier today, the Detroit Lions vomited all over the field in losing to the Chicago Bears, 38-6. (Two words for the Lions: block someone.) I could only stand to watch the first half of the game. There was no sense in enduring the rest of it; every Lions fan knew how it was going to turn out. Miraculous comebacks don't happen in this hellish world we've chosen for ourselves. So I went grocery shopping and then loitered in a bookstore.

While listening to soft pop music and trying to decide whether or not I wanted balsamic vinaigrette dressing again, something occurred to me: Lions fans are trapped in some bizarro football version of the movie Groundhog Day.

You know the story: Bill Murray is forced to live a day - a day he hates - over and over and over again. And that's what today's game was, if you watch the Lions with any regularity. They do this to us every season, sometimes two or three times. The Lions win, their fans get excited, and then they perpetrate an absolute mass of stinky, steaming shit upon those who love them. Even worse, it's against a team that they arguably could've or should've beaten.

Lions fans have watched that game again and again and again. Surely others have already made this comparison. I'm sure this isn't an original thought. But it's the first time, in all the putrid Lions debacles I've witnessed in my years of watching football, it occurred to me. Bill Murray got Andie McDowell at the end of the movie. Is there anything remotely appealing awaiting Lions fans at the end of this agonizingly repetitive day?

Stray football thoughts from the weekend:

♦ Is Michigan State actually the best college team in Michigan right now? (And is Drew Stanton the state's best quarterback?) Against Notre Dame, MSU was everything Michigan hadn't been the week before - namely, aggressive. And when the Spartans let up on the gas, Notre Dame came back to tie the game. It was eerily reminiscent of MSU's collapse last season against Michigan, but this time, the Spartans caught themselves.

♦ Have you ever watched a truck run over a quail egg? I haven't either, but after watching Michigan deconstruct Eastern Michigan 55-0 yesterday, I have some idea of what it might look like. Seriously, what did that game accomplish? If you're EMU, you got a $415,000 paycheck. Not bad. If you're Michigan, you proved you can beat EMU in football really, really badly. Shit, I could've told you that'd happen. How about this: do you think you can beat MSU on Oct. 1?

♦ I think I'm in love... with fantasy football. Thank you, Donovan McNabb.

(AP Photo/ Jeff Roberson)