Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Grand Theft Auto: Ann Arbor

It's always nice to hang out with an old friend. My buddy Pete is in town this week, visiting from Texas, and last night, we tried to hit a few of the places he's missed while living in Austin the past four years. While walking off the beers we slugged down at Ashley's (where Pete out-drank me - but hey, he was complaining about the "cold" weather), we had a baffling encounter with possibly the most insecure, arrogant, or just plain idiotic ass either of us have ever met.

Pete had been taking a bunch of photos of his favorite spots in Ann Arbor during his visit, and wanted to get a shot of the State Theater marquee at night. (This isn't Pete's photo; I'm just providing some visual reference.) As Pete is standing on the side of State St., trying to get the marquee in frame, some jackass about 50 feet away yells at him.

"HEY! What are you doing?"

The two of us turn and give the looks you think we'd make. Mind your own business, dildo.

"Hey! Are you taking a picture of my car?"


"What are you doing?"

"I'm taking a pic-- what do you care?" Pete laughed and turned back toward the marquee.

"You're standing right in front of my car! You taking a picture of it? What are you doing?"

The car in question was a dingy white Ford Escort, okay? Pete wasn't standing in front of a BMW or Jaguar.

"He's never seen a New Jersey license plate before," I say.


"He's taking a picture of the theater, man!"

The dildo stands with his hands on his hips and stares at us. His friend seems to be telling him to relax, patting him on the shoulder. Pete and I look back at him, with our hands raised, wondering what the hell is wrong with this guy. And laughing that he thinks we might want to steal his dirty white Ford Escort. After 30 seconds of awkward, ridiculous, falsely macho staring at each other (I've always wanted to yell "Make your move!" in a situation like that, because it seems so stupid), the dildo waves his hand at us and says, "Whatever."

And that's how it ended. We turned the corner to Liberty, where Pete could take a picture of the Michigan Theater marquee. I looked back a few times to see if Dildo & Robin would follow us, but they didn't. A sweet young Asian girl saw Pete aiming his camera and asked us if she wanted her to take a picture of us together. No, thanks. Pete and I were planning to take our own photos after drinking more at Leopold Bros.

Okay, that last part was a joke. Speaking of jokes, I have to thank Pete for bringing me a copy of some Patton Oswalt. If you haven't listened to Feelin' Kinda Patton yet, do it NOW.