Tina Fey Sends Little Starbursts

I think we're actually getting to the point where anything SNL can do to make fun of Gov. Mooseburger isn't quite as funny as the real thing. But thankfully, they'll keep trying because Tina Fey is totally locked in now. What a maverick.

Once again, for those who didn't see last night's opening sketch, here you are:



Did that skit make you sit up a little straighter on your couch? You betcha.

Whomever had the idea to cast Queen Latifah as Gwen Ifill should at least get a pat on the back. If only Ifill really made the same bewildered expressions that the Queen kept flashing at Fey. And a pretty nice job by Jason Sudeikis as Joe Biden, though the writing made his impression much better than the actual impersonating.

Is SNL really off next week? Oh, wait - they'll be doing Thursday shows up until the election. Maverick-y!

Mooseburger Meets Marge

Gunderson, that is. Not Simpson. And how many of you thought of Brainerd, Minnesota's Police Chief the first time you heard Gov. Mooseburger speak?



If aliens came to my front door and asked me what the big deal was about YouTube, this might be the first example I'd give them.

(via Andrew Sullivan)

The Horror! The Horror!

My immediate reaction after last night's vice-presidential debate - much to the surprise of those I spoke with, post-mortem - was that Gov. Mooseburger (Hey, can I call you Mooseburger?) held up under the spotlight. Of course, I was half-expecting her to spark, sputter, and shut down with smoke coming out of her ears in a meltdown of incompetence at some point.

What we all should've expected was what we got: a talking points sputtering robot (Energy! Maverick!) who was going to say what she wanted, and convey the image she wanted to portray, regardless of what the debate called for. I don't know whether it showed candor or naivete for Gov. Mooseburger to just outright admit that she wasn't going to answer Gwen Ifill's questions, in favor of rambling out the points she had written down on her notepad. You betcha.

(By the way, Governor, the mainstream media attempts to tell viewers "what they've just heard" because after listening to you answer a question from a reporter or debate moderator, we have no idea what the fuck you're talking about.)

And I don't trust anyone that winks to try and buddy up to you. It's disingenuous and skeevy.

But while Gov. Mooseburger was constantly diverting the debate so she could stay on the McCain campaign message, she said one thing that should truly terrify everyone, something I hope is reverberating through all of our heads when we're in that voting booth on November 4:

I'm thankful the Constitution would allow a bit more authority given to the vice president if that vice president so chose to exert it in working with the Senate and making sure that we are supportive of the president's policies and making sure too that our president understands what our strengths are.

"A bit more authority given to the vice president" if he or she "chose to exert it in working with the Senate"? First of all, we just had eight years of a vice president exerting far more power than one has ever held, especially in terms of foreign policy, and where the hell has that gotten us?

And Mooseburger wants more? She wants to control the Senate? It's been a long time since I sat in a civics class, but I know that the vice president's role is to cast a tying vote, if necessary. The VP isn't supposed to exert influence or take sides.

Caribou Barbie wants to go to the floor and tell the Senate what to do? Assuming she knew what the hell she was talking about, that is horrifying.

So is the idea of the hockey mom being in the situation room if the President isn't in Washington. And let's not even contemplate the idea of "Joe Six Pack" fulfilling her only Constitutional duty, that of becoming President if should the actual President become unable to serve. Little children should run to their parents' bed when hearing that. Hell, parents should run to their children's rooms and hide under the covers.

Say it ain't so, Joe. This can't even be allowed to have a chance of happening.

Gov. Mooseburger, Legal Scholar

There had been rumblings, courtesy of Politico.com, of a clip from the Katie Couric-Sarah Palin interview that hadn't aired because of its embarrassing nature.

Of concern to McCain's campaign, however, is a remaining and still-undisclosed clip from Palin's interview with Couric last week that has the political world buzzing.

The Palin aide, after first noting how "infuriating" it was for CBS to purportedly leak word about the gaffe, revealed that it came in response to a question about Supreme Court decisions.

After noting Roe vs. Wade, Palin was apparently unable to discuss any major court cases.

There was no verbal fumbling with this particular question as there was with some others, the aide said, but rather silence.

Last night, CBS News broadcast the clip. And if there was "silence," it had been edited out. However, the substance (or lack thereof) of the answer was no less absurd.



Wow, I'm pretty sure I've had job interviews like that. (I can't see myself anywhere in five years.) And you know what? I didn't get the job.

In fairness, if you were to ask anyone on the street about a Supreme Court case other than Roe vs. Wade, I don't know what kinds of answers you'd get. (Living in Ann Arbor, I could come up with at least one off the top of my head.) But those people aren't being interviewed by Katie Couric. And they're not campaigning for vice presidency of the United States of America.

Maybe if Gov. Mooseburger read a newspaper or magazine, she'd have picked something up about one or two historic cases.



Great googaly moogaly. She couldn't just say "USA Today" or "People"? C'mon, man. (Could she have wanted to say the New York Times, but her campaign programming prevented her from doing so?) Couric couldn't have teed up a softer question.

Maybe Gwen Ifill can give her a second chance at that one tonight.

Four-Color Truthiness

What would be more realistic for those who might feel angry and disenfranchised if John McCain were to win the 2008 presidential election? Moving out of the country (Bill Maher is offering suggestions with his "Exit Strategy" series) or moving... to the Marvel Universe? In Spider-Man's world, Stephen Colbert is running for president.


At the very least, the presidential debates would be highly entertaining. No word on Colbert's running mate, but presumably the candidate would be able to name a newspaper or magazine he or she reads.

The Mooseburger Mockings Continue

I can only imagine this showed up online almost as soon as it was broadcast last night on Saturday Night Live. But just in case you've only heard about Tina Fey returning yet again to portray Gov. Mooseburger and haven't seen it, we post it for you as a public service.



For all the credit Fey's received for getting Mooseburger's accent and mannerisms right, the writing absolutely nailed the "blizzard of words" (as Charlie Gibson called it) approach that the GOP vice-presidential candidate employs to obscure how little she knows and how deeply she's in over her head.

If only Amy Poehler was able to cross her legs and show them off as Katie Couric so often does. She got that derisive blinking down pat, though.

The McCain campaign may have no other choice but to hire Fey to fill in at Thursday's vice-presidential debate. And really, would we know the difference?

We Laugh to Stop From Crying

Here's a pretty clever mash-up:



Just don't make me watch that in IMAX.

So who's Henry Paulson in that scenario? Or Ben Bernanke? How about Chris Dodd? Or Barney Frank?

And wouldn't it have been fun to see the "pencil trick" performed on someone in the current administration?

Now we just need to see McCain as Two-Face.

(via Andrew Sullivan)

The Mooseburger Musings

This is just a fucking farce.



Vladimir Putin flying over Alaskan airspace builds up national security expertise?

And was "— cari — I don’t know" an attempt to say the word "caricature"? Yikes. (Yes, I would say you are being "mocked," Governor.)

No wonder McCain's been trying to postpone tomorrow's debate with Barack Obama until next week, when the vice presidential debate is scheduled. That was like watching a train wreck.

Here's what I want to know: Who the hell are the 40% in this poll who think this talking points sputtering robot is actually qualified to be president?

The Long Millen Nightmare is Over

People of Detroit, there is once again hope for your football team.

Millen out as Lions president, GM

Quite possibly the worst executive in the history of professional team sports has received a long, long overdue dismissal. By kicking this clown to the curb, the Detroit Lions instantly go from NFL-wide laughing stock to a smouldering pile of rubble ready to be reconstructed.


And with that, the team I insisted was dead to me is showing a heartbeat. (And some balls!) Mom, you still might be able to see the Lions win in your lifetime!

First, Kwame; now, Millen. Of course, the Lions' 2008 season is still utterly, completely fucked over. But I might actually believe in now.

Kick You When You're Up, Kick You When You're Down

I know we all go through bad stretches; it's just part of life. And believe me, I understand that things could be much, much worse. But I'm really, truly beginning to wonder what I've done to piss off some higher power in this universe.

Did I inadvertently walk on someone's grave? Did I drive on some ancient sacred burial ground? Did I choose the wrong person to cut off in traffic? Did I cut in front of an elderly person at the grocery store or not give up my seat on a bus or train? Did I say or do something that invoked my father's disapproval from beyond the grave?

Whatever the reason, I have been humbled and now bow before my overlords.

Two weeks ago, my glasses broke. And that's something I was going to devote an entire blog post to, because I felt so helpless that I'd been acting as if I'd been severely injured or handicapped. Now, that seems like relatively small potatoes. Though a new pair did run about $300.

Last weekend, all of that rain that came up through the midwest poured enough water on my roof that it revealed a leak. A price tag hasn't actually been slapped on the damage yet, as we're still reviewing estimates, but it's a pretty safe bet that we'll be writing out a check for at least $7,000. (And that's surely being optimistic.)

And then yesterday, while driving around, it suddenly sounded as if a Harley-Davidson motorcycle was revving in the back seat of my car. I've had to replace the muffler enough times to become all too familiar with that noise. But how often do you bring your car in without being told everything else that's wrong with the vehicle?

I'm told it's about time to replace the timing belt on my old Honda Civic. Seven years or 105,000 miles is the recommendation for service. My car's nine years old and around 90,000 miles. So, yeah. And that runs about $600. Does it really need to be done? I asked with the most soul-crushed look I could muster without actually generating tears.

While "thinking about it," I did some research (wi-fi in the waiting room) and found that maybe I could get away with not replacing the belt. But if it goes in the two to three years I plan on keeping this thing, I can pretty much count on my engine going dead, being stranded wherever, and eventually having to pay at least twice the cost in repairs. So what do you do, hotshot? What do you do?

I suppose I could be grateful for that waiting room wi-fi knowing that I'll now be trapped here for about four hours. I know mechanics always try to give you the worst-case scenario that makes it sound like your car will explode as soon as you turn the ignition. But I actually do trust these guys. I've been coming to them for almost 10 years, and they've usually been straight with me.

Maybe someone with far more expertise in these matters than I (which really wouldn't take much) will tell me that I didn't need to get this done. And if that happens, I'll consider walking into rush hour highway traffic.

I only hope a collision doesn't break my glasses. I just bought those.

Let Obama Be Bartlet?

What would happen if Barack Obama had a sit-down with Aaron Sorkin's fictional president, Jed Bartlet? Thanks to Maureen Dowd's column in yesterday's NY Times (nothing like calling in a favor to a friend), we have something of an idea.

BARTLET You seem startled.

OBAMA I didn’t expect you to answer the door yourself.

BARTLET I didn’t expect you to be getting beat by John McCain and a Lancôme rep who thinks “The Flintstones” was based on a true story, so let’s call it even.

OBAMA Yes, sir.

BARTLET Come on in.

You think there's any chance the Obama campaign can hire Martin Sheen to read this exchange to the Senator each morning during breakfast?

OBAMA What would you do?

BARTLET GET ANGRIER! Call them liars, because that’s what they are. Sarah Palin didn’t say “thanks but no thanks” to the Bridge to Nowhere. She just said “Thanks.” You were raised by a single mother on food stamps — where does a guy with eight houses who was legacied into Annapolis get off calling you an elitist? And by the way, if you do nothing else, take that word back. Elite is a good word, it means well above average. I’d ask them what their problem is with excellence. While you’re at it, I want the word “patriot” back. McCain can say that the transcendent issue of our time is the spread of Islamic fanaticism or he can choose a running mate who doesn’t know the Bush doctrine from the Monroe Doctrine, but he can’t do both at the same time and call it patriotic. They have to lie — the truth isn’t their friend right now. Get angry. Mock them mercilessly; they’ve earned it.

It actually goes on for much longer. That's one of those soliloquies I'd have rewound over and over again, stretching 40-some minutes of television into a 90-minute viewing experience.

Man, I really miss The West Wing. But Obama could cure some of that yearning. Here's hoping.

When Chris Matthews Attacks

I've always been kind of a fan of Hardball (though I actually much prefer Chris Matthews' syndicated Sunday show), but it's become regular viewing for me since, oh, January. So I was watching when Matthews tore Congressman Eric Cantor (R-VA) to shreds yesterday, and meant to post something about it much earlier. If you didn't see it, well... release the hounds.



I'm surprised Cantor's Democratic counterpart during the segment, Robert Wexler, didn't let out a Nelson-like "HA ha!" after the smoke had cleared.

Matthews was dead-on in calling Cantor out on his bull$#!+. The McCain campaign (and the Republican party, in general) is acting like some George W. Bush belongs to some mysterious third party that's been running the White House for the past eight years. Do they really think people are going to buy that "foolery," as Matthews termed it? He got a standing ovation in my house last night.

Somebody's Pants Are on Fire...

How badly is John McCain's presidential campaign mangling the facts? Even anchors on FOX News are now calling out his spokespeople for spreading misinformation. Case in point, the claim that Barack Obama will raise taxes on the middle class, which analysts say isn't true.



I have to admit, I thought Megyn Kelly was a typical FOX-bot when it came to sticking up for the Republican candidate. But apparently, even she can't ignore some of the falsehoods that are being served to the people.

And for the second time in two weeks, McCain campaign spokesperson Tucker Bounds is made to look like a fool on television, attempting to cloud the issue by trying to jibber-jabber around it. Finally, he can only make mean-spirited, sarcastic remarks about Obama parting oceans and healing the sick. (Norah O'Donnell also smacked him around yesterday on MSNBC. As Ana Marie Cox posted on TIME.com, maybe Bounds likes getting spanked by attractive female anchors.)

C'mon, even Karl Rove had to sheepishly acknowledge on Sunday that the McCain campaign had gone "one step too far," "beyond the '100 percent truth' test." Not a good testament to credibility.

Here's more from the Washington Post's Howard Kurtz.

Thanks to my buddy Matt for passing this along.

The Role Tina Fey Had to Play

Almost immediately after the world was introduced to Sarah Palin, people began to compare her to Tina Fey. (That is, after they finished asking "Who the hell is Sarah Palin?" and zooming over to Google.) All in the glasses, don't you know. And when the real thing answers her calling to do the impression America's been yearning for, it's a thing of beauty. Or hilarity.

So if you missed it last night (presumably having better things to do on a Saturday night or being pooped out from a long day), here's the opening from last night's Saturday Night Live. (Apologies for the ads, but at least this Hulu clip won't be taken down):



"In conclusion, I invite the media to grow a pair. And if you can't, I will lend you mine." HA!

Kudos, by the way, to the SNL staff for snagging a pair of those Palin-esque rimless frames, which are apparently quite the hot item.

If only the rest of last night's SNL measured up to the opening sketch. (You tried, Michael Phelps. You tried.) But when's the last time that happened?