Sunday, September 28, 2008

The Mooseburger Mockings Continue

I can only imagine this showed up online almost as soon as it was broadcast last night on Saturday Night Live. But just in case you've only heard about Tina Fey returning yet again to portray Gov. Mooseburger and haven't seen it, we post it for you as a public service.

For all the credit Fey's received for getting Mooseburger's accent and mannerisms right, the writing absolutely nailed the "blizzard of words" (as Charlie Gibson called it) approach that the GOP vice-presidential candidate employs to obscure how little she knows and how deeply she's in over her head.

If only Amy Poehler was able to cross her legs and show them off as Katie Couric so often does. She got that derisive blinking down pat, though.

The McCain campaign may have no other choice but to hire Fey to fill in at Thursday's vice-presidential debate. And really, would we know the difference?

Friday, September 26, 2008

We Laugh to Stop From Crying

Here's a pretty clever mash-up:

Just don't make me watch that in IMAX.

So who's Henry Paulson in that scenario? Or Ben Bernanke? How about Chris Dodd? Or Barney Frank?

And wouldn't it have been fun to see the "pencil trick" performed on someone in the current administration?

Now we just need to see McCain as Two-Face.

(via Andrew Sullivan)

Thursday, September 25, 2008

The Mooseburger Musings

This is just a fucking farce.

Vladimir Putin flying over Alaskan airspace builds up national security expertise?

And was "— cari — I don’t know" an attempt to say the word "caricature"? Yikes. (Yes, I would say you are being "mocked," Governor.)

No wonder McCain's been trying to postpone tomorrow's debate with Barack Obama until next week, when the vice presidential debate is scheduled. That was like watching a train wreck.

Here's what I want to know: Who the hell are the 40% in this poll who think this talking points sputtering robot is actually qualified to be president?

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The Long Millen Nightmare is Over

People of Detroit, there is once again hope for your football team.

Millen out as Lions president, GM

Quite possibly the worst executive in the history of professional team sports has received a long, long overdue dismissal. By kicking this clown to the curb, the Detroit Lions instantly go from NFL-wide laughing stock to a smouldering pile of rubble ready to be reconstructed.

And with that, the team I insisted was dead to me is showing a heartbeat. (And some balls!) Mom, you still might be able to see the Lions win in your lifetime!

First, Kwame; now, Millen. Of course, the Lions' 2008 season is still utterly, completely fucked over. But I might actually believe in now.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Kick You When You're Up, Kick You When You're Down

I know we all go through bad stretches; it's just part of life. And believe me, I understand that things could be much, much worse. But I'm really, truly beginning to wonder what I've done to piss off some higher power in this universe.

Did I inadvertently walk on someone's grave? Did I drive on some ancient sacred burial ground? Did I choose the wrong person to cut off in traffic? Did I cut in front of an elderly person at the grocery store or not give up my seat on a bus or train? Did I say or do something that invoked my father's disapproval from beyond the grave?

Whatever the reason, I have been humbled and now bow before my overlords.

Two weeks ago, my glasses broke. And that's something I was going to devote an entire blog post to, because I felt so helpless that I'd been acting as if I'd been severely injured or handicapped. Now, that seems like relatively small potatoes. Though a new pair did run about $300.

Last weekend, all of that rain that came up through the midwest poured enough water on my roof that it revealed a leak. A price tag hasn't actually been slapped on the damage yet, as we're still reviewing estimates, but it's a pretty safe bet that we'll be writing out a check for at least $7,000. (And that's surely being optimistic.)

And then yesterday, while driving around, it suddenly sounded as if a Harley-Davidson motorcycle was revving in the back seat of my car. I've had to replace the muffler enough times to become all too familiar with that noise. But how often do you bring your car in without being told everything else that's wrong with the vehicle?

I'm told it's about time to replace the timing belt on my old Honda Civic. Seven years or 105,000 miles is the recommendation for service. My car's nine years old and around 90,000 miles. So, yeah. And that runs about $600. Does it really need to be done? I asked with the most soul-crushed look I could muster without actually generating tears.

While "thinking about it," I did some research (wi-fi in the waiting room) and found that maybe I could get away with not replacing the belt. But if it goes in the two to three years I plan on keeping this thing, I can pretty much count on my engine going dead, being stranded wherever, and eventually having to pay at least twice the cost in repairs. So what do you do, hotshot? What do you do?

I suppose I could be grateful for that waiting room wi-fi knowing that I'll now be trapped here for about four hours. I know mechanics always try to give you the worst-case scenario that makes it sound like your car will explode as soon as you turn the ignition. But I actually do trust these guys. I've been coming to them for almost 10 years, and they've usually been straight with me.

Maybe someone with far more expertise in these matters than I (which really wouldn't take much) will tell me that I didn't need to get this done. And if that happens, I'll consider walking into rush hour highway traffic.

I only hope a collision doesn't break my glasses. I just bought those.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Let Obama Be Bartlet?

What would happen if Barack Obama had a sit-down with Aaron Sorkin's fictional president, Jed Bartlet? Thanks to Maureen Dowd's column in yesterday's NY Times (nothing like calling in a favor to a friend), we have something of an idea.

BARTLET You seem startled.

OBAMA I didn’t expect you to answer the door yourself.

BARTLET I didn’t expect you to be getting beat by John McCain and a LancĂ´me rep who thinks “The Flintstones” was based on a true story, so let’s call it even.

OBAMA Yes, sir.

BARTLET Come on in.

You think there's any chance the Obama campaign can hire Martin Sheen to read this exchange to the Senator each morning during breakfast?

OBAMA What would you do?

BARTLET GET ANGRIER! Call them liars, because that’s what they are. Sarah Palin didn’t say “thanks but no thanks” to the Bridge to Nowhere. She just said “Thanks.” You were raised by a single mother on food stamps — where does a guy with eight houses who was legacied into Annapolis get off calling you an elitist? And by the way, if you do nothing else, take that word back. Elite is a good word, it means well above average. I’d ask them what their problem is with excellence. While you’re at it, I want the word “patriot” back. McCain can say that the transcendent issue of our time is the spread of Islamic fanaticism or he can choose a running mate who doesn’t know the Bush doctrine from the Monroe Doctrine, but he can’t do both at the same time and call it patriotic. They have to lie — the truth isn’t their friend right now. Get angry. Mock them mercilessly; they’ve earned it.

It actually goes on for much longer. That's one of those soliloquies I'd have rewound over and over again, stretching 40-some minutes of television into a 90-minute viewing experience.

Man, I really miss The West Wing. But Obama could cure some of that yearning. Here's hoping.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

When Chris Matthews Attacks

I've always been kind of a fan of Hardball (though I actually much prefer Chris Matthews' syndicated Sunday show), but it's become regular viewing for me since, oh, January. So I was watching when Matthews tore Congressman Eric Cantor (R-VA) to shreds yesterday, and meant to post something about it much earlier. If you didn't see it, well... release the hounds.

I'm surprised Cantor's Democratic counterpart during the segment, Robert Wexler, didn't let out a Nelson-like "HA ha!" after the smoke had cleared.

Matthews was dead-on in calling Cantor out on his bull$#!+. The McCain campaign (and the Republican party, in general) is acting like some George W. Bush belongs to some mysterious third party that's been running the White House for the past eight years. Do they really think people are going to buy that "foolery," as Matthews termed it? He got a standing ovation in my house last night.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Somebody's Pants Are on Fire...

How badly is John McCain's presidential campaign mangling the facts? Even anchors on FOX News are now calling out his spokespeople for spreading misinformation. Case in point, the claim that Barack Obama will raise taxes on the middle class, which analysts say isn't true.

I have to admit, I thought Megyn Kelly was a typical FOX-bot when it came to sticking up for the Republican candidate. But apparently, even she can't ignore some of the falsehoods that are being served to the people.

And for the second time in two weeks, McCain campaign spokesperson Tucker Bounds is made to look like a fool on television, attempting to cloud the issue by trying to jibber-jabber around it. Finally, he can only make mean-spirited, sarcastic remarks about Obama parting oceans and healing the sick. (Norah O'Donnell also smacked him around yesterday on MSNBC. As Ana Marie Cox posted on, maybe Bounds likes getting spanked by attractive female anchors.)

C'mon, even Karl Rove had to sheepishly acknowledge on Sunday that the McCain campaign had gone "one step too far," "beyond the '100 percent truth' test." Not a good testament to credibility.

Here's more from the Washington Post's Howard Kurtz.

Thanks to my buddy Matt for passing this along.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

The Role Tina Fey Had to Play

Almost immediately after the world was introduced to Sarah Palin, people began to compare her to Tina Fey. (That is, after they finished asking "Who the hell is Sarah Palin?" and zooming over to Google.) All in the glasses, don't you know. And when the real thing answers her calling to do the impression America's been yearning for, it's a thing of beauty. Or hilarity.

So if you missed it last night (presumably having better things to do on a Saturday night or being pooped out from a long day), here's the opening from last night's Saturday Night Live. (Apologies for the ads, but at least this Hulu clip won't be taken down):

"In conclusion, I invite the media to grow a pair. And if you can't, I will lend you mine." HA!

Kudos, by the way, to the SNL staff for snagging a pair of those Palin-esque rimless frames, which are apparently quite the hot item.

If only the rest of last night's SNL measured up to the opening sketch. (You tried, Michael Phelps. You tried.) But when's the last time that happened?

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Why We Let Mom Gamble

My mother and I have a pretty simple deal during baseball season. I love going to mid-week day games. She loves playing the slots at the casino. So I drop her off in Greektown, then take the People Mover to Comerica Park.

How does that work for us?

It's not like she's blowing away my inheritance. That's straight cash, homey!

Unlike the past, where my physical presence in the casino has been terrible luck for her, Mama Cass built up that stash while I was sitting at the bar. Lady Luck is a fickle mistress.

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Why So Sad, Kwame?

It's all over for Kwame Kilpatrick as Detroit mayor.

  • He pleaded guilty to two felony counts of committing perjury.
  • He pleaded no-contest to a felonious assault charge for shoving a police officer.
  • He'll serve 120 days in jail.
  • He will pay $1 million back to the city of Detroit for restitution.
  • He loses his state pension.
  • He must surrender his license to practice law.
  • He cannot run for public office for five years, while serving probation.

And thus, the best sitcom of the summer comes to an end. I love big finales. (With bonus features, such as other city officials resigning - and more surely to follow - in addition to a ripple effect that could help Barack Obama in Michigan.)

Not coincidentally, the weather in Detroit today is cloudy, but cool and refreshingly pleasant.

And I Thought Harvey Dent Was Two-Faced...

I know. Suddenly, we're posting video on politics every day. (But hey, I am posting every day...) But when we're being force-fed a bunch of bulljive, it's reassuring to know that someone with a very public forum is there to highlight the hypocrisy.

You are a national treasure, Jon Stewart.

(Hat tip to Kevin Crossman)

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

How Things Can Change in Two Years

"Joe-Mentum" was apparently rolling in something of a different direction in 2006.

Did Sen. Lieberman sound this enthused last night when pumping up his buddy John McCain? (Well... as "enthused" as Lieberman gets, that is.)

(via Andrew Sullivan)

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Campbell Brown, Attack Dog

I used to have a major TV crush on Campbell Brown. Years ago, I would actually wake up early on weekend mornings to watch her co-host Weekend Today with Lester Holt.

Eventually, I got over that - probably when she married a Republican strategist. But this interview with Tucker Bounds, a spokesman for the John McCain campaign, reminded me of at least one reason I enjoyed watching her on TV. She can be pretty damn good at her job.

How does Bounds defend the selection of Sarah Palin as McCain's running mate? Well...

"I don't think there should be any problem defending her experience." And yet, there he goes having problems defending it.

Apparently, she took it a bit far for the McCain campaign's liking, however. McCain canceled an interview with Larry King to punish CNN for Brown's "unfair" line of questioning.

Watching that reminded me of trying to defend my first semester college grades as a freshman to my parents. There was no defense. Especially since Mama Cass could invoke tears and guilt, which Brown doesn't have to resort to in that interview. She didn't need to.

(via Andrew Sullivan)