Pass That Kid Some Metamucil

While munching on some breakfast Saturday morning, I noticed this story on the front page of the Ann Arbor News:

23-year-old sets record by eating 40 patties at Blimpy Burger

I'm sure you'll be thrilled I'm sharing, but the first thought that popped into my brain when I read that headline was, "That kid won't shit for a month."

I was grateful I'd ordered the blueberry oat bran pancakes for my meal.

He actually ate four 10-patty burgers, but I don't think the process has much effect on the final result. Unfortunately, the photos that ran in the paper aren't online (at least I can't find them), but I'm pretty sure that the smile the dude had on his face when he started that first or second burger wasn't there by the time he pushed himself to finish that fourth one.

That's close to four pounds of ground beef he scarfed down. You'd think trying to digest four pounds of anything would have to hurt. But he wasn't eating sprouts-and-avocado sandwiches on 12-grain bread. Ground beef has a way of, shall we say, sticking around.

And I'm saying this as someone who loves Blimpy Burgers. Krazy Jim's is an Ann Arbor institution. I've taken plenty of visitors there over the years. But I haven't been there since I moved back to Michigan two years ago. Even one of those burgers can weigh you down afterwards, if you're not careful. Smelling the grease on a flannel shirt or sweatshirt can have something of an effect on you, too.

But the new record holder is only 23 years old, so he has youth and metabolism on his side. Eating four pounds of apples over the next week might help the cause, though.