The not-exactly-Live Albom?

As I've written before, Mitch Albom was my writing hero as a kid. I devoured every single column the man wrote for the Detroit Free Press. I've become disillusioned with him, however, as he focused more on TV and radio and his success with Tuesdays With Morrie turned him into more of a preacher than a writer, leading him to produe the truly awful The Five People You Meet in Heaven. In the meantime, he's treated the sports page like more of an obligation while writing columns that read like he mailed them in. (Susannah noted a great example of this last week at Pub of Knowledge.) It now appears he may have been doing just that.

Last Sunday, Albom wrote a column explaining how much two former Michigan State basketball players loved their school. Here's an excerpt:

"In the audience Saturday at the Final Four, among the 46,000 hoop junkies, sales executives, movie producers, parents, contest winners, beer guzzlers, hip-hop stars and lucky locals who knew somebody who knew somebody, there were two former stars for Michigan State, Mateen Cleaves and Jason Richardson.

They sat in the stands, in their MSU clothing, and rooted on their alma mater. They were teammates in the magical 2000 season, when the Spartans won it all. Both now play in the NBA, Richardson for Golden State, Cleaves for Seattle.

And both made it a point to fly in from wherever they were in their professional schedule just to sit together Saturday. Richardson, who earns millions, flew by private plane. Cleaves, who's on his fourth team in five years, bought a ticket and flew commercial."

Nice story, right? But there's a problem: Cleaves and Richardson weren't at the game. Albom actually wrote his column before Saturday night's MSU-Kentucky game and assumed they'd be in attendance.

Not the end of journalism as we know it, but certainly an embarrassing moment for one of the country's most famous sports columnists. Albom wrote a mea culpa in yesterday's Free Press, apologizing to both his readers and the newspaper for reporting something that didn't really happen. Consequently, the Free Press admitted its mistake in judgment in today's edition.

So is Mitch Albom the new Jayson Blair? (Here's more on Blair from Slate.) I don't think so - especially since Albom wrote a "lighter" piece about a sporting event. But if you're going to strictly interpret journalistic ethics, Albom did fabricate information and play loose with some facts. Right now, Albom's getting attacked in the forums at the Romenesko media blog. Unfortunately, I can't link to specific posts, so you might have to do some scrolling, but here are some highlights:

"This is an egregious ethical lapse. Prophesying the future should be clearly labeled as such. Columnists do not fabricate events or characters and pawn them off as truth. His sports column in question was not satire. Mitch Albom, a long time award winner and best-selling author, should understand these essential ethics better than most."

"Makes you wonder if it was really Tuesdays with Morrie. Maybe it was another day of the week that didn’t scan so well as a book title. Did he see Morrie at all? Or did they just plan on getting together? And what inspirational words would old Morrie say about this mess?"

"How many phony stories can a reporter write before he or she is fired? One? Two? At least five? Ten or more?"

"If Mitch Albom was going to tell us in advance who'd be at the game, what they were wearing and how they got there, he could've at least gone one more small step and told us what the score was gonna be. Woulda saved me some dough."

"Making stuff up is making stuff up, even if you're so sure that you'd bet the mortgage and your first-born that it's gonna happen. I believe if I did that and my name wasn't Mitch Albom, I'd be in some serious doody."

And in a letter to Romenesko, Eric Deggans - an Op-Ed columnist for the St. Petersburg Times - suggests the Free Press needs to punish Albom and his editors more harshly in order to save its credibility as a newspaper.

Wow. I think that's a bit harsh. Is my former idolization of Albom coloring my perception? Maybe, but I've said I don't think Albom is the writer he used to be, and unfortunately, I think this incident proves it. More than anything, Albom's guilty of lazy writing. (And his newspaper is guilty of letting him get away with it.) For someone who's produced some truly great work, this should be really embarrassing.

Hey, you wanna order some Cheerios?

I thought this was an only-in-New-York story: Yesterday's New York Times had an article about the growing popularity of a service called FreshDirect. Customers just log on, order what they want from the site, and voila - groceries are delivered right to their doorstep in cardboard box. Last year, the service generated $100 million in sales - which actually isn't that hard to believe. On my several visits to New York, I sometimes wondered where the hell people get their groceries. In Brooklyn, my friend's apartment is surrounded largely by bodegas, butcher shops, bars, and pizzerias. There are places where you can pick up, say, some apples. But the selection isn't exactly fresh off the tree. After coming home, I never appreciated my neighborhood grocery store more. But maybe I'm just a guy who couldn't hack the big city.

However, online grocery shopping is becoming popular in other cities around the country. The article also cites SimonDelivers.com which serves the Minneapolis-St. Paul area, Peapod.com in the Northeast, and Safeway.com in California.

But here's the thing that made me wonder if I live in a different world from other people:

"Few people anywhere seem to enjoy grocery shopping. In a 2004 national survey of happiness among women published in Science magazine, grocery shopping ranked 27th of 28 daily activities, beating out only cleaning."

Apparently, I'm a freak. I actually like grocery shopping. I like cruising up and down brightly lit aisles and buying food for my apartment while listening to bad pop music piped through loudspeakers (and interrupted by the occasional "Hey, Campbell's Soup is 2 for $3.00 this week!" promotions). Maybe it's just that I enjoy sniffing and squeezing fruit. Am I the only one? (And I mean grocery shopping, not molesting oranges and mangoes.)

Okay, one thing I don't like about grocery shopping: when the hell did someone decide that sitting in that basket at the back of a cart wasn't enough for kids? Now, a bunch of carts have those stupid, giant red toy cars attached to the front and take up the entire #$@%ing aisle. This leads brats to yell "HONK! HONK!" at me while I'm looking at salad dressings and crying at their mommies because the cart's not moving when they want it to. It's not cute, parents. If your little $#!+cakes want to pretend they're driving, I should be able to give them the total experience and flip them off.

Maybe the online shoppers have the right idea. Two or three encounters with hyperactive brats with Hot Wheels carts, and I'm ready to order my $#!+ from a computer too. Just make sure those apples aren't bruised, man.

Tip of the cap

©2005 NEA, Inc.

While watching the Yankees and Red Sox yesterday on ESPN (What the hell happened to you, Mariano Rivera?), it was brought to my attention that I owe the Red Sox a debt of gratitude. You see, their World Series victory last fall inspired me to start this blog, since I was sure the world would soon be ending. (Here's that very first entry. It's so young, so innocent. I had no idea what the @#$% I was doing. Some of you may think I still don't have a clue.)

So I tip my cap to you, Boston Red Sox. I raise a glass in your honor, as well. Thanks for inspiring me.

I just hope your fans can make it through this season. In yesterday's Boston Globe - before the victory over the Yankees - Dan Shaughnessy's column was titled "Still Too Early to Panic." Two games (losses) into the season. Gotta love that.

Pierced eyeglasses?

When it's humid, and I'm sweaty, I get frustrated with my glasses sliding down my nose (it doesn't happen often with my current pair, but my sunglasses get slide-happy), but I've never once thought, "Hey, what if I pierced the bridge of my glasses through the bridge of my nose? Then they'd never slide off!" But maybe that's why I'm just sitting back, writing about stuff, instead of making it happen, like James Sooy.

Sooy has developed a piercing - a 1-inch bar through the bridge of the nose - that can hold up a pair of eyeglasses. He's hoping the idea will catch on with others looking to break free from the tyranny of normal eyeglass wear. (You can find out more at Sooy's website.)

copyright jamessooy 2005

Personally, this isn't going to work for me. I need the drama that pulling off my eyeglasses and rubbing my eyes occasionally provides. And if I have to worry about ripping off my nose when taking off my glasses, well, that's not a concern I need to add to my normal daily list. Plus, I think I'm inching close to that age where I'm officially too old to get anything else pierced.

Open letter to Bud Selig

Dear Mr. Commissioner of Major League Baseball,

I appreciate you taking the time to read this, as I realize you are an extremely busy man. As the Major League Baseball season begins, I'm sure you have plenty of duties that require your attention, such as throwing out a ceremonial first pitch or two, posing for photos with the moneybags owners who pay your salary, checking if those grass fields are cut to an appropriate length, and making sure all those hot dogs are cooked to their proper temperature. I also understand that you have many steroid test results to check. (Thank you, by the way, for nailing Alex Sanchez. Running out outlaws like this guy, whose four career home runs are surely attributable to his use of performance-enhancing drugs, maintains the integrity of our beloved game.)

But my true reason for writing this letter is to ask if you would consider ending the 2005 baseball season, after just one day. I realize this could be problematic, but please hear me out. You see, yesterday was a wonderful day for Detroit Tigers fans. Opening day was played under beautiful spring weather, and our team laid a serious ass-kicking smackdown on the Kansas City Royals. The score was Tigers 11, Royals 2. Our dreadlocked warrior, Dmitri Young, hit three home runs - one of only three men to achieve such a feat on Opening Day. And our baby-faced golden boy, Jeremy Bonderman, allowed only one run and seven hits. Mr. Selig, you are a smart man, so surely you see where I'm going with this. It can't possibly get better for the Tigers and their fans. Playing the remaining 161 games on the schedule would only lead to inevitable disappointment. I mean, we could, like, lose a game. Or have crappy weather.

Of course, this might deprive Tigers fans of other potential pleasures, such as enjoying a game on a warm summer night, watching Dmitri Young hit the 486 home runs he's currently on pace to collect, or even winning the World Series, which you would surely agree looks like a certainty at this point in the season.

I realize such a decision might cause other problems. For instance, there are currently 11 teams with the same 1-0 record. And eight teams haven't begun their seasons yet. But we know you like ties, as you showed in the 2002 All-Star Game. And as I said before, you are a smart man. Look at the innovations you've brought to fruition, such as interleague play and an extra round of playoff series. You helped avoid a labor dispute, something none of your predecessors managed. And you allowed the winner of future All-Star Games to receive home-field advantage in the World Series. Well, they can't all be gems. That idea was just dumb. No offense. But I hope you see my point: You are a man who gets things done, who is unafraid to enact change, regardless of whether or not it's popular with everyone.

And this decision won't be popular with the other 29 Major League Baseball teams and their fans. I know that. You know that. But I also know you like us. Hell, you awarded Detroit the 2005 All-Star Game, even though hardly anyone wants to be in Detroit in July. And we're a solid, blue-collar, Midwestern town, just like your hometown of Milwaukee. You can give one of those other teams a shot next year, sir. Or, if you decide this didn't quite work out, play the full season next time. But let's see how it would work this year. You're a man of vision, one who would surely enjoy having a summer vacation for the first time in who-knows-how-many-years. Mr. Selig, you can make this happen. The fans of Detroit need you right now. Other cities will fall in line when they see what you can do for a city and a populace in need. And if they don't, contract 'em. Who needs the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, anyway?

Please e-mail or call me as soon as you read this. I'm not a difficult man to reach. But if you have to call me tonight, I'd prefer if you not call while Scrubs is on. Thank you for your time, sir. Go Tigers.

Sincerely, Ian D. Casselberry

The official sign of Spring

"I see great things in baseball. It's our game -- the American game. It will take our people out-of-doors, fill them with oxygen, give them a larger physical stoicism. Tend to relieve us from being a nervous, dyspeptic set. Repair these losses, and be a blessing to us."

-- Walt Whitman

Today is Opening Day in Major League Baseball. (Well, technically, baseball season began last night with the Yankees-Red Sox game.) And thank you to ESPN2 for showing the Detroit Tigers-Kansas City Royals game this afternoon. I'll tape the game and have a little Opening Day party with a beer and can of Spaghetti-O's tonight after class. I'm really excited about this year's team, though my mind is warning me not to get my hopes up.

Buster Olney of ESPN.com has ranked the 30 major league teams, a la college football. The Tigers are #19 on the list, which sounds about right. As much as I'd like to think otherwise, the 18 teams above them are probably better, give or take a couple.

Check out the Detroit Tiger Weblog for a season preview (along with a terrific interview with former Tigers broadcaster Ernie Harwell). Tigers Central and Most Valuable Network also have good looks at the 2005 team.

And here are the Detroit Free Press and Detroit News baseball previews. (I'm hoping my dad picks up the actual newspaper copies for me today.) Play ball, my friends - play ball.

Dirty Sanchez?

Forgive the title. I couldn't resist. I bet I won't be the only one who uses it. A few others may have already beaten me. (And if you don't know what a "dirty Sanchez" is, ask someone else. Trust me, it's a great icebreaker.)


He's the first - but will he be the last?

Former Detroit Tigers outfielder Alex Sanchez (now with the Tampa Bay Devil Rays) became the first player suspended under Major League Baseball's new steroid policy yesterday. Sanchez's penalty as a first-time offender is a 10-day suspension. He plans to fight the ban, however, insisting that he only takes "multivitamins, protein shakes, muscle relaxants," "something to give me energy, put a little muscle on my body."

I can't find the exact quote or article (which is driving me nuts at the moment), but over the weekend, Mike Mussina of the New York Yankees said the first player caught using steroids would likely find his major league career over. So we'll see what happens to Sanchez now that he's wearing the scarlet "S." He'll have the stink of embarrassment on him, but since he's not a big home run hitter and doesn't have numbers you can call into question, I have a feeling we'll see him playing again.

Is it possible that the Tigers dismissed Sanchez because of steroid use, perhaps anticipating his suspension? (I have no idea if such a move would be allowed under baseball's labor agreement.) The timing of his release three weeks ago seemed curious, though the Tigers had made no secret of the fact they wanted to replace him in centerfield because of his impatience as a hitter, ineptness in the field, and his salary. Hopefully, that question will come up in the Detroit (and national) press over the next few days.

So does this kill the idea that taking steroids makes a player an automatic superstar? Hell, as a Tigers fan, I would've liked to see Sanchez take more of the juice.

Here's Buster Olney's take at ESPN.com. As you might imagine, plenty of blogs also have something to say on the subject. Two that caught my eye: Chris Blanchard's conspiratorial angle was interesting, while listerplus has doubts, based on Sanchez's smaller physique and lack of power numbers.

The lost hour

And with less time today, here's more than you probably ever wanted to know about Daylight Saving Time. (For example, it's "saving," not "savings." Did you know that? Did you care?)

To the cashier at Hy-Vee...

It's very possible I overreacted last night when, in April Fool's Day spirit, you told me I had "insufficient funds" while trying to use my check card. I apologize and hope it won't cost you too much to sew your head back on.

But I will drive back to Iowa City next year on April 1 to get you back. I want you to know that.

A cry for help?

I was just "rocking out" in my apartment to Rick Springfield's "I've Done Everything for You." But it wasn't my fault. It was on the radio. (Damn you, 96.5!)

I just lost all my cool points for April, didn't I? Dang.

The debut of "Dear Ian"

Matt posted this in the comments section of my last entry (veering horribly off-topic - you know better, Matthew), but I thought more people might see his question if I put it in a new post. Plus, I thought it might re-ignite the tipping debate, which got pretty interesting when I originally broached the topic. So here it is. Does our friend have a legitimate beef? Is he sticking it to the man? Should he go pick his food up instead of having it delivered?

A while back we were discussing tipping etiquitte, and I have a dilema. Here's the deal-- the chinese place I buy food from charges a $2.50 delivery fee for bringing my food to me. Now, when i first started ordering i was clueless, so i was giving the guy a $2 tip or so on my order... but then i figured i was paying an extra $4.50 on a $20 bill, and that seemed nutty to me. So the next time I called, I asked if the drivers get 100% of the fee, and the lady said yes. So ever since then, I haven't been tipping if the $2.50 fee is more than 15% of my total bill. if my bill is higher, then i tip extra to bring it up. Am i wrong with this? I don't want people spitting in my food, but I also dont want to pay more than i should.

An important milestone?

Has it already been a year since Air America Radio went on the air? (And are they playing an April Fool's joke on their listeners by adding Jerry Springer to their daily line-up?) On Sunday, the New York Times profiled Janeane Garofalo, who seems comfortable with her career change to a political pundit. (I miss you in the movies, Janeane.) And last night, HBO ran a documentary, titled Left of the Dial, which followed Air America's struggles to get on - and stay on - the air. Some painful moments were captured on film, which made for an entertaining show.

I don't know how many of you have ever listened to the network, since it still isn't available in that many cities. It's still not available in the Iowa City-Cedar Rapids area, which sort of baffles me. We're a liberal college town, man. We'd eat that stuff up. Well, maybe. But it's available in Charleston, SC, for Christ's sake. If they can get it in the heart of conservative country, where the states are seriously red, where I was referred to as a "yankee," then why can't I get me some "progressive" talk radio out here?

The debut of a liberal radio network, the idea of chipping away at the right-wing dominance of the radio airwaves excited me, and I tuned in via streaming audio. But once I heard Randi Rhodes scream at Ralph Nader for getting involved in the election, I remembered that political talk radio, regardless of political sensibility, is still largely yelling and bloviating.

But I tune in semi-regularly to Al Franken's show when I'm near a computer, mostly because it has some damn funny moments (I could listen to Al imitate Rush Limbaugh every day), and hearing someone echo your political thoughts and beliefs does have its appeal. (Hopefully, I'll be able to pick it up on an actual radio in the next city I live in.)

So does one year on the air represent a triumph of sorts for Air America Radio? Considering the financial troubles they've dealt with, the answer is probably yes. Has it made a dent in the conservative dominance of talk radio? Only people who study Arbitron ratings and the like know for certain. I suppose progress has to be measured in baby steps in this case. Air America wasn't going to change the world in a matter of months. After all, look who got re-elected to the White House.

Back among the living

Nothing will shake you out of nursing your near-hangover in the morning like people working on your roof. Geez-us. Last Friday, it was banging below me. This morning, it was banging, sanding, paving and who knows what the else above me. It sounded like someone was about to open up a large hole directly over my bed.

I tried to think of a good April Fool's joke, like writing that Spike TV had decided to hire me to develop a sequel to Invasion Iowa after reading my rant about it. But you guys are smarter than that. Big ups to Raging Red, however, who threw caution to the wind and stomped on the hearts of her readers. What a cruel carrot-topped vixen she is.

There's usually a surprise on the comics page every April Fool's Day. Thanks to Darby Conley (Get Fuzzy) and Stephen Pastis (Pearls Before Swine) for not disappointing me.

Your regularly scheduled blog...

... might be a few hours late today. No April Fool's joke. I'm not clever enough for one of those (especially at 2:30 am). No, Uncle Ian had himself quite a few pops at the bar and anticipates needing to sleep it off. Thank you and good night.

(Could anyone else go for a microwave burrito right now?)