Thursday, November 17, 2005

Morning amour

In a blatant attempt to get me to renew my long-expired subscription, today's Detroit Free Press ran a story on my future girlfriend (and, if things work out, future wife - keep your fingers crossed, guys!), the Mercury spokeswoman.

I've expressed my infatuation with this woman before, which prompted a few kind readers (including my friend Miko) to tell me who she really was. And if you ask me, I conveyed my admiration much more tastefully than the blanket portrayal of bloggers by the Free Press.

The brand has hired a fresh-faced, down-to-earth spokeswoman, actress Jill Wagner, who seems to appeal to women and men -- judging from the online blogs where men call her "hot," "Definitely HOT!" and "hot, hot, hot."

I didn't even use the word "hot" in my post. I was much more respectful. Although I did call Ms. Wagner a "babe" and admit I was a lonely man, one who watches certain TV commercials very, very closely. Apparently, I didn't drool enough to warrant a mention in the Free Press. They screwed me again!

When I wrote that entry back in June, it was my hope that Fried Rice Thoughts would soon blow up into the huge, synergistic multimedia empire that could bankroll a dinner with the Mercury spokeswoman. My people would call her people, we'd set up a meeting (date), and then just let the inevitable magic happen. Unfortunately, it didn't quite work out that way. I'm not a blog-fueled superstar yet. (Although my mom reads the blog now, which I consider an improvement. Hi, Mom!)

But I think I see what's going on here. I watch movies; I see how a lot of these romances develop. Is it a coincidence that I just happened to see the Free Press at a coffee shop this morning? And I don't even read the Free Press much anymore, but today I did. And what (who) was on the front page?

Jill, you didn't have to go to all the trouble. My e-mail address is posted near the top of the blog. I'm not a difficult guy to get ahold of (unless you're trying to ask me questions about Thanksgiving dinner). But hey, if you wanted to find me through an article in a local paper, it worked. Maybe you like a little bit of mystery. Maybe you like the grand gesture. Maybe you wanted an entertaining story for friends and family. And this could be one.

Who should I ask for when I call the Free Press later today? Or should I just wait for you (or someone representing you) to call me? Again, I'm not difficult to get ahold of (unless you're calling to suggest what sort of wine to bring to Thanksgiving dinner). Especially tonight. I'll probably be watching Smallville, since a trailer for the new Superman flick is supposed to play during the show. Hey, do you like superheroes?