Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Getting fuzzy?

So I'm thinking of growing a beard.

I can hear most, if not all, of my female readers and friends screaming "NO, NO! PLEASE GOD, NO! ARE YOU A MORON?"

And a hefty percentage of my male readers and friends are probably wondering whether I actually want women to find me attractive. Otherwise, how would I meet one, exchange "me toos," play doctor, and eventually give the world more Casselberrys?

Lil' Sis thinks I'm insane. Mama Cass wonders if she'll have to introduce the potentially hirsute caveman she once spawned as "her son."

But I go through this nearly every winter. First of all, the weather gets colder. And this face could use the protection. Those elements are tough on my supple, pinchable cheeks. Maybe (HA!) I've gone through a dating drying spell, which makes me question my manhood. And what better way to gauge testosterone production than to see how much hair you can grow?

This isn't a final decision. A few things are giving me pause. One is itching. I know I won't be able to stand it. And if any chin hair somehow gets stuck in a sweatshirt or coat zipper, I'll go berserk. I also think I'll look like an idiot. How do I know? Well, I ran an image with various calculations and scenarios into the IDC-3000, and this is what came out:

To beard or not to beard; that is the question.