12 days 'til Christmas

Yesterday, Lil' Sis called me to complain that I hadn't sent her a Christmas list yet. In years past, I relished the opportunity to send suggestions to my sister, both because of the gifts I might receive and the child-like excitement that comes from making a list. She likes it so she knows exactly what to get for me, rather than rack her brain for ideas. I think it would be nicer if she picked something out for me, but she thinks I'm impossible to buy for. (Of course, I disagree with that. If she just read this blog, she'd get plenty of ideas.)

But I can't think of anything I want this year. It's been a rough year, and at the risk of sounding mushy, I'm grateful for what I have right now. Unwrapping the Season 2 DVD set of Scrubs on Christmas Day would be nice, but I don't need any gifts.

That's how I felt until a couple of hours ago. Now I might be rethinking that stance, after reading Deadspin this morning, and its post about Mark Cuban's investment in the Brondell Swash.

The Brondell Swash 600 is an amazing piece of machinery, people. Maybe it's not as cool as Kohler's hatbox toilet, but I think it's much more practical. It has retractable wands (for both posterior and feminine washes) that spray warm water to clean you after you finish your business, and an air dryer dries you off before you put your pants back on.

It's a piece of the future, right under your buttocks. And those buttocks would be warm and cozy on the contoured, temperature-adjustable seat. All of it can be controlled with a console you can install near the commode.

And since you always like to think practically, Sis, consider how much I might save on toilet paper if I had one of these. Plus, it's one less thing I'd have to buy at the grocery store when the next Snow Storm of the Century hits (currently scheduled for tomorrow, according to our local meterologists).

So there you go, Lil' Sis. You don't even have to shop for it. I know you like to go out shopping, so maybe this won't be as fun for you. But you asked me what I want, right? I want my futuristic toilet seat that washes and dries me.

Or you could just buy the Scrubs set.