Today's Fortune Cookie Wisdom

"You will take a chance in the near future, and win."

Now that is the kind of fortune a guy should receive at the beginning of a New Year.

So I guess I'm looking for something to take a chance on. I don't think I'll be doing that in the stock market. Maybe try that pig stomach dish at Middle Kingdom? Nah, think bigger. Hmm...

Today's Fortune Cookie Wisdom

"A financial investment will yield returns beyond your hopes."

What, is Jim Cramer doing fortune cookies now?

This is a good time to get into the stock market, they say.

What do you call those things firefighters use to catch jumpers? Trampolines? Life nets? Is there a publicly traded company that makes those things? With the way the economy is going, that could be a good investment. Hmm...

Today's Fortune Cookie Wisdom

"If you're always a pessimist, consider just how futile that attitude can be."

Considering the meal I scarfed down before opening this cookie may have blown out my sodium intake for the day, I'm not sure I should be feeling too sunny, Confucius.

But health concerns aside, that Kung Pao chicken was damn tasty. Ian likes his spicy.

C'mon, man - am I suppose to just stay home and munch on a head of lettuce?

Tonight's Fortune Cookie Wisdom

"Everything will now come your way."

If that's some tricky way of saying I'll be getting really sick soon, I'm going to be pissed off.

Today's Fortune Cookie Wisdom

"Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions."

You know what looks like a frickin' awesome coming attraction? The Transformers.

Today's Fortune Cookie Wisdom

"You cannot be anything if you want to be everything."

That totally applies to Chinese buffets, too. You can't enjoy anything if you want to eat everything.

Today's Fortune Cookie Wisdom

"Love in its essence is spiritual fire."

Is that a STD reference?

Today's Fortune Cookie Wisdom

"Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes, playing a poor hand well."

Pass the Lo Mein, please.