Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Four paragraphs later, it's about Nip/Tuck

Am I going to blame tonight's late post on the New York City transit worker strike again? Well, I want to, because it's been a top story on The Situation Room, so you know it's, like, a situation. And when Wolf Blitzer talks, I listen. (Actually, I don't even listen to him. I just stare at his beard with admiration. Someday, I tell myself, I could look Wolf-ish, too. No way he has the same gravitas with a clean-shaven face.)

But if Mis Hooz could hoof across blocks, boroughs, and bridges (both ways!) to get to work today, the least I could do is update The Casselbloggy. Plus, she said she'd kick my ass if I ever tried to use her as an excuse again. Those New Yorkers - such attitude!

No, today's lateness is due to Mama Cass, who made her poor son drive her all around town to run holiday-related errands, which included some final Christmas shopping. I was her little rickshaw boy, dragging her from store to store.

"Trader Joe's! Now! Stop whining about your blog! Your sister likes that Two Buck Chuck! And I like those frozen stir-fry mixes! Shut up! I'll feed you later!"

I earned so many Good Son points today, man.

It's probably a good thing that I didn't post an entry earlier today, anyway. See, I really wanted to write about last night's Nip/Tuck season finale, and I didn't want to say too much before everyone had a chance to watch the episode. With the identity of "The Carver" finally being revealed, no one should have been deprived of the feelings of shock, affirmation, disappointment, etc., that could come when the big moment arrived.

Actually, I almost ruined it for myself. Every time Pop Candy has blogged about Nip/Tuck, the comments are filled with rumor, theory, and speculation, all of which I've been reading. And yesterday, Nip/Tuck Fanatic, which I've been reading rather regularly lately, posted a possible spoiler that the FX network either inadvertently or intentionally ran on its website before the episode was broadcast. I was one mouse-click away from scrolling down to it, but held back. I've prevented myself from experiencing too many movies and TV shows with untainted eyes because I couldn't resist the instant gratification of knowing what was going to happen.

As it turns out, had I scrolled down, nothing would've been ruined. There was no spoiler, just a few links to some very telling images. Good job, Nip/Tuck Fanatic. I'm just sorry that the episode may have been spoiled for you. I'll post my thoughts on the episode after the jump, just in case you still haven't watched it.

Consider yourself warned...

I was pretty damn disappointed. And it actually made me unhappy because the episode was going so well. The stuff with Kimber was great. I really felt for her character. I also liked Matt's storyline with the tranny, though it would've been better if Zed and The Gimp from Pulp Fiction had come down to the basement to join Ariel's father. But then, that damn ending messed everything up.

Maybe the best line of the night was from Mis Hooz. While we were talking on the phone afterwards, she said, "I think you're more disappointed than I am. You sound so sad."

It wasn't so much about who The Carver was. Quentin Costa, as many have said, was the obvious choice all along. I don't know about the rest of you, but in my TV-watching circle, Mis Hooz sniffed it out right away. I joked that it had to be Joan Rivers. But she stuck to her guns throughout this season, even while people were scoffing that it couldn't be Quentin, because he's too obvious. And I took a sip of that Kool-Aid, trying to come up with my own crackpot theories as to how it could be Merril Bobolit, McNamara/Troy's old rival. Or Julia's old med school classmate (and love interest), Jude. That's the prediction I posted in yesterday's comments when Spinster Girl asked. I just had to be different.

But I'm glad Ryan Murphy and his merry band of writers didn't dip too far back into the show's past cast of characters. Maybe that would've been fun for those who have been watching Nip/Tuck all along, but it wouldn't have been as believable. I'm not going to say it would've been too contrived, however, because Murphy and the gang went ahead and twisted the story into all kinds of contortions once The Carver took off his mask. Kit, the detective investigating the case, was his sister? Are you fucking kidding me? That is the kind of development that sends TV shows leaping over marine carnivorous fishes.

Doesn't that mean they stuck their tongues in each other's mouths and rolled around in bed in a previous episode? Speaking as a brother, let me say emphatically, eeeww. (Lil' Sis just called; she said that's just fucking gross.) Of course, it does add a layer of insanity and sleaze to the whole dynamic, which is one reason I love this show.

I even hated the moment when the Carver took off his mask. That was supposed to be the money shot, man. To me, it just hit the wrong note dramatically and felt too staged. Wouldn't the scene with Sean and Christian being tied up and tortured in the operating room have been even more harrowing if The Carver still had his mask on and we didn't know who it was - as had been the case with all of his other attacks? The tension would've been clench-inducing. Instead, Quentin becomes a mustache-twirling villain whose dialogue is all exposition.

Sean - you fool! I wasn't really getting a blowjob at that party! I have no dick! HAHAHA! BWAH-HA-HA-HA!

You just should've let me be one of the guys! Now, I'll have to cut your hand off! How will you do surgery then? Did I mention I have no dick? HAHAHA! BWAH-HA-HA-HA!

But there was another half-hour to go after that. I was ready to smother myself with a pillow. I decided to cry into it as I fell asleep, instead. And as I drifted off into sleepyland, my feelings changed from disappointment to relief.

As much as I initially enjoyed the Carver storyline (and I will fight you if you try to argue that last season's cliffhanger wasn't one of the best in television history), it's clear that this is something that the writers completely lost control of. Based on what I've read, The Carver was supposed to be a one-episode storyline. But it became so popular that the premise was stretched further into more episodes and the following season.

Now that it's over, however, I just want to see what's next. The very end of last night episode's had a peaches/puppies/sunshine feel to it, and you know that won't last. The world that's been created is just too dark. And that's why I still love Nip/Tuck.

This past season was rather inconsistent, which makes me worry that the show has said all it has to say. Episodes and storylines were getting dropped and/or picked up all over the place. But there's some stuff leading into next season that could be promising. Is Julia really having another child with Sean? Will Matt have to answer for an apparent murder? And will everyone just forget that the McNamaras actually have another child? (Just cut her loose, man.) That gives me hope. Just keep Quentin and Kit in Spain, okay?

(Image via Nip/Tuck Fanatic)