Highlights from home

Has it been a week already? Back to Iowa City and three more weeks of fall semester. What'll be the best part of the drive? Listening to the rest of David Cross's new comedy CD, 'It's Not Funny,' on the way home.

• I missed listening to my parents converse with each other from different parts of the house. Dad sits at the former dining room table, which he turned into his desk after retiring, and talks to Mom, who's downstairs watching TV.

Dad: WELL, I TALKED TO [name withheld] AND HE SAID [other name withheld]'S THINKING OF GETTING HER IMPLANTS TAKEN OUT.

Mom: WHAT? SHE WANTS SMALLER BOOBS NOW? SHE'S GOT A NEW BOYFRIEND.

Dad: SHE THINKS THEY MIGHT BE AFFECTING HER HEALTH.

• My dentist told me I need to floss more. He gave me the news with a spoonful of vinegar by pointing out that I'm at an age (between 30 and 40) where gum disease really begins to set in.

• 'Sideways' really is as good a movie as the critics have been saying. It stays true to its characters and never goes for a cheap laugh. I love Alexander Payne's films. He hasn't made a bad one yet. And no one plays a schlub better than Paul Giamatti. Any independent filmmaker or short story writer should look at the ending to this film and aspire to the same. It hit just the right note.

• Everyone's having kids and/or getting married. My friend Eric and his wife Mary Beth had their first child two weeks ago. Didn't get a chance to see her yet. But my childhood buddy Mike and his wife Lori had their third child on Monday. I saw him today.

Lil' Nate was like a loaf of bread in my arm. Wow. Some butter and I could've eaten him. No, c'mon - I'm kidding. I wouldn't eat a kid. Especially on the day after Thanksgiving, when I'm still burping my dinner.

Best part of holding Mike's new baby? I handed him off to his mother mere minutes before he unloaded in his diaper. How can such a little thing leave such a big... never mind.

And another childhood buddy, Chris, is heading off to Vegas next week to get married. Are all the kids and weddings making me reconsider my life? You bet. I've mapped out all the vasectomy clinics between Ann Arbor and Iowa City. Mike's kids are amazingly cute and smart (especially in comparison to other, older kids I know), but I'm glad they're his kids.

• My Detroit Lions showed a national TV audience just how terrible they are, losing 41-9 to the Indianapolis Colts. I like to think it's to make up for the fight between the Pistons and Pacers last Friday. Let the healing begin.

• Thanksgiving dinner is a lot of fun when you have shoe-sole-low expectations. I thought getting together with my dysfunctional extended family would be nightmarish. But most people seemed happy and ready to embrace a new phase of their lives. Unfortunately, others are stuck on the same treadmill of mediocrity and meaninglessness. Wine helps you listen to people who talk a lot but aren't actually saying anything.

See ya, Ann Arbor! Back in three weeks for Christmas vacation. Have some snow for me when I get back.