Tuesday, January 06, 2009

There Will Be Beard

Following careful deliberation and introspection, it has been decided: After a one-year hiatus, there will be beard in 2009.

Inspired by others who have opted to do what men sometimes need to do - to cover their faces with hair, whether it's an effort to shield ourselves from the harsh elements, or signify a transition - I have begun the process. A beard was not grown last year, largely out of consideration to my sister, who feared I would not be able to shed that caveman exterior and be suitably dapper for her wedding. There will be no such concession this winter season.

(Save your derisive jokes and interpretations, implying that this beard is a female companion meant to divert suspicion toward my virility and sexuality. Spinster Girl made such a joke at my expense on Facebook, for which I hope she receives a paper cut. Women only wish they could craft such a daring exterior, one that scoffs at conformity and convention, while also conveying warmth and a connection with nature.)

Much as a caterpillar weaves a cocoon around itself, to eventually escape from its trappings and emerge as a different, beautiful creature, so do men create a facial exterior of hirsute chin armor. When the weather changes, once the temperature rises, razor is taken to face, and a new man is found underneath.

As my buddy Kevin Kaduk (author of the outstanding baseball blog, Big League Stew) said to me on Facebook, "Welcome to Manuary." Indeed, sir. Indeed.